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Born to Run. But not really.

I hate running.  I really really really really really hate it.  Words cannot describe how much I do not enjoy lifting my legs faster than a walk.  I used to jog occasionally and then I got a college degree and realized I hate it and stopped.

But I decided to do a triathlon and that’s part of it.  So I’m running.  A lot.

Last Saturday, a few friends drove down to Butte for a 5k.  The three of them are hilarious.  I thought the car ride down and lunch would be a riot.  (it was) I blocked out the fact the reason for the trip was the 5k.  And then we got there and it was cold and windy and hardly anyone ran so I couldn’t blend in with the other pathetic runners.  I was the lone pathetic runner; besides some teenagers who stopped running half way and walked.  I think their parents made them go because it was crappy weather and no one was going to show up.

I made it through the 5k.  I came in second in my age group.  There were two of us.

When I run, I suffer from severe lack of oxygen, which causes massive delusions on my part.  So when I was asked, right after the race, if I would like to go with some other friends and do the Spokane to Sandy Point Relay race in August, I said yes.    At least, that’s what I’m told.  I don’t remember anything that happened after the race.  Due to the delusions I previously mentioned.  (I would include a doctor’s note about these health issues but I’ve yet to find one who will use the correct wording.)

So now I have to train longer distances.  And I will be running three legs of this relay.  Within 24 hours.  So I will sleep in a van.  And shower somewhere to be announced.  And I have to do it SOBER, supposedly.

I really hate midlife crises.  They wreak havoc on the knees.


  1. Just so you know, I know a doctor who will word a doctor’s note pretty much any way you want!

    1. Marianne says:

      I try to only use him for emergencies… Not delusions of grandeur. He may start to realize I make up medical excuses for bad decisions…

  2. le0pard13 says:

    Priceless, Marianne.

    1. Marianne says:


  3. Elena Aitken says:

    LOVE that signed up for the relay. 🙂
    Just wait, those delusions after a race? They totally get worse. You’re gonna sign up for all kinds of s#@#!! hee hee

    1. Marianne says:

      No. My lawyer has advised me to never agree to anything. ever. again.

  4. join the club. i hate running too. thats why i skate. best decision i made while still young.

    1. Marianne says:

      I’m no longer young and skating isn’t big in Montana. I think it’s the snow.

  5. Trish Loye Elliott says:

    You are too funny! Great post. I sympathize on the running. But at least you get some endorphins out of it. Right?

    1. Marianne says:

      That’s what everyone keeps telling me. But endorphins only go so far when on the brink of insanity.

  6. Rick Alton says:

    I don’t want to live in a world where delusions are not embraced and given the dignity they deserve. Delude on baby….

    1. Marianne says:

      If this is true, I should be the most dignified person in the world.

  7. Delusions, vans and sporadic showers? Are you sure you’re just running?!?

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