So I did something today that makes me feel like a failure. What is interesting is that when I hear other people doing this, I think: “Good for you! You are taking care of yourself! How inspiring!” When I did it, I felt like I was admitting I couldn’t go it alone and I needed to pay a weekly fee to get where I want to go.
I joined Weight Watchers. I have a friend who has lost 10% of her body weight and another friend who met her goal and I decided to actually do something about my own failure to lose weight. During the last year, I have been the same weight no matter what. I think I have lost tons and I have lost none. On the plus side, I think I have gained tons, and I am the same. After buying a treadmill and asking a friend to help me make a table for it so I can walk and write at the same time, I decided to work on the food intake.
I went to my first meeting today. I took Seth because I didn’t know what else to do with him at 9am right after the others went to school. I do not believe I will be attending this meeting anymore. Seth decided he was hungry. I had a sandwich and grapes for him. He grabbed some Twizzlers left over from the drive from Idaho and walked into the class based on how to deal with Halloween candy. It was very inspiring with Seth being an example of what not to do. I sat on the floor and hid behind everyone.
So explain to me why joining WW makes me feel like a failure? I have decided to be proactive and actually be public about my desire to do something which are all wonderful, positive things. But I feel like I couldn’t do it myself and therefore I am a loser. (And yes I know my goal is to be a loser of weight. Great play on words everybody. I am laughing on the inside.) Why do I feel like I have to do everything myself? I have decided to try and do nothing myself to try and break me of this feeling of guilt. I appreciate any help you may give me. I need dinner in 4 hours.