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I’m no longer Hexagonal.

Recently, I had my one wild and rebellious habit dashed to pieces.  I am now a square.  I would like to say that before I was hexagonal.  No more.

A month or so ago, the LDS church issued this statement:  Finally, another small correction: Despite what was reported, the Church revelation spelling out health practices (Doctrine and Covenants 89) does not mention the use of caffeine.

So now when I buy my 64 oz of Diet Pepsi just to make it through the hours of 3:15- bedtime, it’s not rebellious.  I no longer have to hide my bottles in a brown paper bag.  I can get rid of my Diet Mountain Dew flask.

BYU is still not serving caffeine.  They’re saying it’s because there isn’t a demand for it.  That could be true, but when I went there, the gas station at the bottom of the botany hill stayed in business by selling caffeinated drinks.  In fact, I think they took out the chips, candy, and Sprite to make more room for caffeine.  The brown paper bag was complimentary.  Sometimes it was blue during spirit week.

We would sit outside the library, with our drinks in sacks, asking for handouts so we could afford the gas money to make it to the convenience store to feed our habit.  Some of us got help but we always went back.

I can buy soda without my hood up, now.  I even threw my caffeine-buying hooded sweatshirt away.  I no longer need to feel shame.  When I go to bars with my friends, I can order that Diet Coke with pride.

But with this I’m losing my rebellious streak.  I’m going to miss that.  Now I’ll just be a regular ol’ Mormon hanging out in a bar with a Diet Coke.  Just like everybody else.


  1. Trish Loye Elliott says:

    Lol! You will never be like everyone else (and that’s a compliment)!
    If you want to be rebellious why don’t you dye a piece of hair pink, or wear those awesome shoes all the time. You can rebel against society very (almost too) easily at our age. 😜
    Never fear. You’ll always be The Funniest Morman I know. 😁

  2. Rebecca Stanfel says:

    I love this post. It really resonates with me. I am not LDS, but I now what it’s like to feel a small sense of glee at being just a tiny bit rebellious.

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