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I’ve Never Had so Much to Lose

I have always wanted to star in a musical.  When I was a kid, I would dance around the living room and sing to my sisters’ Barbara Streisand albums.  When her Broadway album came out, I memorized every song and sang with her.  It was a life changing experience (for my make believe friends.)

My dreams were dashed by Mr. Kazinski.  He was the music teacher in grade school and then he moved up to Jr. High when I did.  He couldn’t stand me and never cast me in anything.  After taking a couple classes from him, I decided I wasn’t good at it and should just stop.  So I did.

I moved to Utah where my high school music teacher’s motto was “You try out – you make it.”  But I still couldn’t do it.  I was pretty sure I would get a chorus part and it would make me feel even worse.  My 9th grade drama teacher and I didn’t get along either.  (I am, perhaps, seeing a pattern of denial, but it is my denial so they didn’t like me and squelshed my dramatic abilities which I am sure are/were many.)

I joined choir so I could go to Disneyland.

In college, I was in the English Department’s play where I played a minor role.  I didn’t take it too seriously, because I skipped out on one of the performances to see Depeche Mode in concert.  I told the director I was doing something for the international department (my date was German.)  I told two people.  When I got back, the whole cast knew.  (shocking)

I think this is why I am in love with The Glee Project.  It is a show on Oxygen about a group of high school grads trying to land a role on Glee.  I want Hannah to win.  She is overweight and a redhead.  I worry she won’t win because they already have an overweight girl on the cast and usually there is one per show.  (Standing next to the minority person.)

We don’t have TV during the summer so I wait patiently for the show to be on HULU.  The last two episodes have been late.  It has upset me greatly.  Supposedly there have been legal issues. These legal issues are causing me emotional ones because I WANT TO SEE THE SHOW.  (See – I could totally have succeeded in drama.)

Go Hannah Go Hannah Go Hannah

Some of the people remind me of the Music/drama stereotype where their egos are as big as their voices.  But not Hannah.  She is funny, only when appropriate, quiet, but shines on stage, and extremely, extremely talented – like every red head on the planet.  (Scientific fact.  I would supply the proof but can’t because of copyright issues.)  So, perhaps due to my vivid imagination or my immense capacity for denial, I feel like if she wins, I win.  I haven’t been this nervous for a redhead since Molly Ringwald moved to France and started living alternatively. May the best person (and it is generally a redhead) win.


  1. Allison says:

    Wait—–There was an English Department play? I don’t remember that. Besides, it was Depeche Mode. That’s really enough said right there.

  2. I can’t carry a tune. When I attempt to sing nature complains or dies…whichever comes first. I admire anyone with vocal talent. We are our worst critics and although I truly can’t make melody with my voice, I’m sure you can. I hope Hannah wins too!

  3. If there is a “before” choir, I could join that.

    Seriously, when God was handing out beautiful voices, I was taking a pee.

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