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Kitchen Quotes

We’re building a house.  This is how people in Hell are tortured, I think.

Over my stove (that I still need to pick out and buy so if you hear of any good deals…) will be a 12” by 14” tile I’m carving a saying in.  (Actual some guy is doing it, to be completely honest.  I don’t carve tile.  I know; you probably thought I did.)

Here are some classics I’m thinking of using.  Input welcome.

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. – G.K. Chesterton

A nickel will get you on the subway, but garlic will get you a seat. –Old New York Proverb

I take a vitamin every day.  It’s called steak. –Buck Weston

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. –Fran Lebowitz

I will not eat oysters.  I want my food dead – not sick, not wounded – dead. – Woody Allen

You are what you eat.  For example, if you eat garlic, you’re apt to be a hermit. – Franklin P. Jones

Studies find top 3 most stressful moments in people’s lives: death, divorce, and properly pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce.” –Tony Hsieh

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers.  The original meal has never been found.  –Calvin Trillin

Remember, as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice normal family. –Homer Simpson

I’m thinking of going with the last one because I want a quote from Homer Simpson permanently in my home.


Life is a combination of magic and pasta.


All sorrows are less with bread.

Ooh! Look! Bread.

Could also work.


  1. le0pard13 says:

    “Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, “A house guest,” you’re wrong because I have just described my kids.” ~ Erma Bombeck

    That, or “Everything does taste better on a tortilla.” — Don Winslow, from The Dawn Patrol.

    1. Marianne says:

      I like the tortilla one. Maybe I should use “Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.”

  2. Andrea says:

    I like the bread one

  3. I do like the nickel & the garlic.

  4. Trish Loye Elliott says:

    I love the Homer Simpson quote… but no one says you have to put who said it on the tile.
    But I also really like… “Life is a combination of magic and pasta.”
    Or Life is a magical combination of love and pasta. Or Life is a combination of magic, love and pasta. Or you could insert recipe for combination or something like that…
    Sorry, I don’t know if you wanted so much input but I was in a brainstorming mood. 🙂

    1. Marianne says:

      I like your brainstorming. To be honest, I plan on putting a conversion chart on the tile.

  5. Tia says:

    “I kiss better than I cook – and I’m a good cook.” A friend of mine has this in her kitchen, and it always makes me smile.

    1. Marianne says:

      People would know the second half is a lie and I’m afraid they’d question the first…

  6. Dawn Peterson says:

    I like, “I kiss better than I cook”. Which in my case is true!

    1. Dawn Peterson says:

      Obviously I posted this before I read the other comments.

    2. Marianne says:

      This would work for me!

  7. Erica Miles says:

    Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage — Woody Allen

    This one also works hanging over a bar.

    1. Marianne says:

      I could do something rash for a Diet Coke at times

  8. I don’t think you could go wrong with any of them, but the Homer Simpson quote would be a good choice. I personally would try to steal…er…pay homage to “Green Eggs and Ham” in some way.

    I don’t like them in a house
    I don’t like them with a mouse
    I don’t like green eggs and ham
    I don’t like them, Sam I Am.

    But that’s just how I roll 😉

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