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Planning the Perfect Midlife Crisis

At this time of year, I generally have a constant headache.  It is either a “Christmas is how many days away?” headache or the “the year is ending and I have done what with it?” headache.   And because my birthday is in February, I also have the “I’m turning… and I don’t even have a bucket list” headache.  And the fact that the theme of my headache keeps changing, causes a headache to fill in the gaps while the stresses alternate.

Recently I found the blog called Thoughts Appear.  At the top of her website, she has 30 before 30 and 35 before 35 pages.  She accomplished 30 things before she turned 30 and now she is working on 35.  I love this idea.

I will be 40 in a little over a year.  I would like to accomplish 40 things, but I’m not sure a year is enough time.  So I’ve decided to develop a different, yet equally worthwhile goal.

I have decided to plan out my midlife crisis.

I do not want to turn 40.  I have not accomplished what I would like with my writing, I do not have a PHD and I live in suburbia as a stay at home mom.  I am in the PTO. I may even be on a couple committees.  I think this makes me a perfect candidate for a crisis.

And I want it to be good.

I did not accomplish last year’s resolutions.  I tried to have a car chase by going 35 in a 25 mph zone, but I just pulled over when the cop lights went on.

I’m going to make this more realistic.

I don’t have it all planned, but I have a couple ideas running around.

I am definitely getting into shape.  I plan on running a race every month from March to September so when I do turn 40, preferably in another country with a cabana boy, I will look incredible and it will be completely realistic for the cabana boy to have the hots for me.

And I plan on having a secret rendezvous with my husband at Sundance Film Festival where I will make him call me Fifi all weekend.  The tips of my hair will be aquamarine, to match my fake nails.  (The fact that I just announced this on the internet makes me realize I may need to work on perfecting my secrecy techniques.  I blame it on my crisis.)

And I am SERIOUSLY considering joining the Fruit of the Month club.  It’s just a really big commitment.

So over the next few weeks, I will be developing my crisis plan.  If you have any suggestions, please send them my way.


  1. Elena Aitken says:

    I think this is a fantastic idea. If you PLAN your crisis, it’s sure to go smoothly. I like it.
    I also like that you’re going to run a race every month. I will totally hold you accountable to that!

  2. Rebecca Stanfel says:

    I agree with Elena. Planning a crisis will result in fun crisis activities and will prevent any repetition of past mistakes (like those in your list of 20-something crisis activities). I turned 40 in August. I thought it would be horrible, but the big day wasn’t that bad–maybe because I thought obsessively for months in advance of how old I was getting and how little I accomplished with my life. It was almost a relief to just get it over with and turn 40. But you are much more clever. Being Fifi (and with aqua tips) surely will put all your worries to rest.

    I love the idea of a race every month. I love that you are thinking about what it all means and what to do.

    I’ll keep thinking of wild and fun crisis activities that might suit your master plan. A good friend in Helena is turning 40 in a few days. She’s throwing herself a party and calling it the “Holy Crap! I’m Turning 40” party.


  3. I made my 30 Before 30 list just over a year before I turned 30. So you can do it!

    I like the crisis planning though.

    Please buy a tiara and a cape. That’s totally doable. Post a pic, too.

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