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To My Representative:

I got upset yesterday.  The magazine the school district puts out had a girl on the cover with a nose ring (in the middle of her nose, like a bull often wears) and two lip piercings.  My six year old brought this home.  My six year old does not have her ears pierced and won’t for a few more years.  My goal is that she will only have her ears pierced once and those will be the only piercings she gets on her face.  (Actually the only piercings I hope she gets ANY WHERE on her body.)  And I may be brain washing her about things that can leak out of holes you place in your body through piercings (blood, brain matter, green ooze the body only produces if she pierces her eyebrows.)

(Disclaimer: At different points in my life, I’ve had 9-12 ear piercings.  I would like more -actually less- for my daughter.)

I’ve become more conservative as I’ve had kids.  Go figure.

I’m not sure if my taxes pay for this magazine but I do know that my taxes pay for A LOT of things that I don’t actually benefit from – and PLEASE do not quote the lady who went on a rampage last week about how if I drive my car on a road my taxes are being used.  I have four wheel drive because half of the roads around here aren’t paved.

So I started to think about how I would like to get aid from the government.  Now some of you may ask, “But Marianne, what could you possibly need?”  And I will tell you: I want free Diet Pepsi.  I think I should be able to get a card, like a marijuana card, show it to the people at McDonald’s and they just have to give me my Diet Coke for free.  I think this would be taxes well spent.  I would be more awake and nicer.  This would benefit everyone.

I must go now and write my representative.

What government benefits would you like?  I could include them in my letter.

Even seeing the can makes me happier.


  1. Trish Loye Elliott says:

    you are just too funny! I only had three piercings in my ears. I think green ooze would prevent just about anybody from getting any wayward piercings. I’m going to use that one. Moms unite!

    1. Marianne says:

      I bet if we all united, we could get some really good old wives tales started to prevent future piercings.

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