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What I did for love (of a pair of shoes)

Women are supposed to love shoes.  I think it is in the club rules.  I have never understood this.  I am a Birkenstocks girl.  I love compfy shoes.  I have always felt shoes have a purpose – to support my feet and make them hurt the least they possibly can.  I have plantar fasciitis and so have left style behind me for some good arch support.  When the world comes tumbling down, my arches will not.

Then I saw them.

I was walking through Nordstrom, thinking I need some nice black heels.  Nordstrom has shoes.  I will try on some heels at Nordstrom.  I looked around and they called to me.

“Marianne,” they said with an accent (any will do).  “You need me.  You want me.  Only I truly understand you.  Your children will never love you the way I love you.  Your husband does not understand your true needs like I do.  Take me home.  I will love you forever.”

So I decided to try them on.  I tried on four other pair as well but these kept talking to me.  “No other shoe loves you like I do.  Those are sissy shoes.  They only have one-inch heels.  I have three inches.  I will make you into the perfect woman you wish to be.”  (This sounds so much more sophisticated with an accent.)

So I put the heels back on and tried walking across the floor.  And couldn’t.  I had lost the ability to walk in heels.  I broke out into a sweat.  I knew that I had to have these shoes.  It was important for my life to continue in a positive manner.  I tried to think.  Women who play secret agents on TV run in heels all the time.  They chase down bad guys in them and catch them.  If they can do it, I must learn how.

So I did what every normal woman who falls in love with a pair of three inch heels does: I left Nordstrom and joined the FBI.

Not a great picture, but can you hear them?

14 Comments

  1. Trish Loye Elliott says:

    OMG those are sooo cute. I hope you got them. You need to run on the balls of your feet. That’s what they taught me in the FBI. You must bring them to Surrey. Tell me you’re going and you have a size 10 foot. I have HUGE feet and would love to borrow these. Every woman needs shoes that speak with an accent!

    1. Marianne says:

      I am a size 9. I feel like I should apologize. Or at least the shoes should.

  2. Emilie says:

    Women in the FBI also wear plunging necklines and can dance sultry dances. You however, can glide into a room with your new friends making your legs look 10 feet long and walk with serious attitude of beauty and grace,then sit on a bar stool (the tall ones where you just have to lean onto it) and sit with poise. Walking is overrated and your shoes need not to walk just to be seen.

    1. Marianne says:

      But who do I get to carry me to the bar stool so i don’t have to walk?

  3. Andrea says:

    I’m pretty sure that’s a Parisian accent I hear, but it could be Italian…either way, its sexy. I agree with Emilie, you wear those shoes and people will come to you…no walking required.

    1. Marianne says:

      But they will have to come to my house because I can’t get to the car.

  4. Sarah says:

    Oh my…thank heavens you posted today! I have been looking for those exact shoes for ages!! 🙂 I had some just like them and LOVED them….until they broke. Probably from overuse seeing as I wore them so much. And I haven’t been able to find another pair like them no matter how hard I’ve looked. Nordstroms, you say? Looks like I may have to stop by there later today….

    Oh…and I too, think it’s probably a Parisian accent…. 🙂

    BTW…in case you are wondering who in the world this person is who is commenting on your blog… It’s Sarah Dalton (now Croft) from high school. I’ve been reading your blog for the past few months. It makes me smile. 🙂 I hope that is okay!

    1. Marianne says:

      Thanks for the comment and reading! You need to replace your shoes. Then when you are lonely, you have someone to talk to.

  5. Alpha says:

    Three inch, black patent, Mary Jane peep toes? Let’s call it what it is: Hot Shoe Porn.

    1. Marianne says:

      Maybe that should be the title to the blog.

      1. Alpha says:

        Your hits would shoot through the roof.

  6. My flip flops want to have a play date.

    1. Marianne says:

      I LOVE my teva flip flops. But they don’t talk to me in an accent.

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